Saturday, January 15, 2011

Horoscopes have no idea what's going on

It really is quite sad that people keep focusing their lives around things such as this. Tracing its roots back thousands of years, Astrology is probably the 3rd oldest profession. 1st and 2nd are Prostitution and Looking At Breasts, respectively (I think they go hand in hand). The thing with Astrological beliefs is that the ancients believed the stars to be determinants of your future. Who needs Nostradamus when you can just look up, right? The alignment of the stars and the planets in certain ways would mean specific things and influence people’s lives. Soon, though, Astronomy realized that Astrology was a bit of a loopy brother and left it so that it could become a real science. And after a while, Astrology made a name for itself with the creation of the Chinese Horoscope.

It feels so confused...

The Horoscope is based on the motions and locations of the stars, moon, sun, and planets the day you were born. It has 12 symbols (the unlucky 13th symbol was kicked out because it was different and nobody liked it) that represent the 12 months of the year (ish). All of this is coupled together and your Daily Horoscope comes about. The thing that most people don’t realize is that their Horoscope is dead wrong right now. When the Chinese made it a couple thousand years ago, they referenced their own sky. Right now, though, the stars have shifted and the old Chinese Horoscope is obsolete and doesn’t reflect the current positions. This means that if you, at any point, looked at a Horoscope and said “Oh golly gosh goo! It predicted everything perfectly!” you were being lead by superstition to create what you read since you were reading what is supposed to be someone else’s Horoscope. This just goes to show that mystical energies and star locations have nothing to do with who you are. Horoscopes are cleverly formulated to give you the most accurate vague answer possible. If you truly want to keep up with superstition, look at your real symbols here.

Darn it, Earth, you are such a prankster!

The reason that your mystical signs shifted was because of the earth’s wobble. You see, our planet is like an indecisive person shopping for wholly unnecessary things. Do I want this or that? They go back and forth, unable to make a decision. Earth, like our materialistic counterpart, can’t make up its mind on which star to point at with its axis—either Polaris or Vega. Maybe Thuban. Noooo…Denab. Ok Polaris. But Vega is soooo much prettier! Because of this, the perspective on the night sky is constantly changing. This means that your sign aint what it used to be. This is kinda old news. Scientists knew about it for a while. I think that they didn’t want to tell people as part of a social experiment where they would observe us and laugh hysterically amongst themselves. Good ol’ scientists.


Apparently, CNN decided to run an article saying that the Horoscopes and Astrological Signs in fact, hadn’t changed. They were, of course referring to the Tropical Zodiac (not the Sidereal Zodiac, which I mentioned above), which doesn’t change at all. It doesn’t change because people decided that each season should have signs associated with it that don’t change. Now, it doesn’t make sense because it only applies to the Northern Hemisphere. I’ll explain simply: if it’s winter in the Northern Hemisphere, it's summer in the Southern Hemisphere…how can people be born at the same time and have different Astrological Signs? Isn’t astrology based on mystical energies from the cosmos that have nothing to do with Earth, but with the stars? I guess these people don’t care, since Westerners have a long track record of taking Ancient traditions and destroying everything they stand for.

Is yoga supposed to help your spirit? Hellz no! It's supposed to make your butt look awesome!

Via Livescience

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