Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Inflight...Workout?


Air New Zealand has always been one of those airlines that tries to make their flights more enjoyable for everyone. You might remember them as the guys that painted the bodies of their employees for an inflight safety briefing, or the ones that put Snoop Dogg on a plane. Maybe this time, though, they went too far. It is sort of like the dancing flight attendants…if your flight attendant was Richard Simmons, of course. Gizmodo and most people on the internet expressed very accurate sentiments about this subject. Below, you will find the video that the company uses on their planes. Let Richard Simmons terrify you for three minutes about safety.


Via Gizmodo

Monday, March 28, 2011

Hockern: The World's Most Extreme Sport

What is more extreme nowadays? Is it skydiving? Bungee jumping? Spelunking? Running on water? No. The most extreme sport in my opinion is Hockern. This sport consists entirely of sitting. Yes, you read right—sitting. Germans had enough of the whole standing up thing, so they decided to move on to sitting and make it totally extreme. Imagine skateboarding mixed with parkour, mixed with looking like an idiot and an awesome person at the same time. Not only are the moves kind of crazy, but everything looks like it’s allowed as long as you end up sitting down in the end. They even make custom chairs for this sport! They look like really awesome and overpriced stools, but I really want one for no good reason at all.


For other extreme sports, just jump on your dog and ride into the sunset, like the people below. Good boy!


Via Wired and Gizmodo

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Just So You Understand Sugar Pills

Everyone “knows” what a placebo is. But if I were to ask you, “What is a placebo?” most wouldn’t be able to answer me. Another thing that boggles the mind is the Placebo Effect. Everyone “knows” what it is, but do you really know what it is? The answer is not really. My roommate found a really great video explaining it, and I thought I might share it with you guys. The gist of it, though, is that it is a pill or medical treatment that has no effect on the body whatsoever as relating to the disease. If they are treating TB, for example, they would give you a pill which they said would treat symptoms, but would really be a sugar or starch pill (which is terrible considering that they are using a placebo to treat TB, but it’s an example, so don’t get all humanitarian on me). The Placebo Effect is a lowering of the severity of the symptoms or of the disease itself (sometimes even curing it) by taking these treatments that aren’t supposed to cure anything. It just goes to show what whiny little idiots we all are. Wah, wah, I want pills because I have the sniffles! Shut up! You can cure yourself. Deal with it and stop being a baby. Check the video below for an awesome animated explanation to what I just talked about.


Via Iambored

Monday, March 21, 2011

Black Friday


Unless you live under a rock, you must have heard about a fantastic new song and artist that just came out of The ARK Music Factory. The song is called “Friday,” and the artist is called Rebecca Black. Many people are denouncing it as either fake or bad or stupid. Others (her parents) are heralding her as the next Justin Bieber. I mean, if you paid $2,000 for a production company to write a song and slap your daughter on a music video, the money better have been used for something good, damn it! Now, the song has surpassed some of Lady GaGa’s songs on YouTube in views, and it has turned into an internet meme faster than you can say, “Holy crap, she is actually 13 so I shouldn’t be aroused by this.” Not that I was…um…moving on.


The fact of the matter is that I have to get something out. The video is absolutely terrible for 2 reasons. How the hell are 13 year-olds driving a car, exactly? And what where the VFX guys smoking when they decided to add a flare to the rear-view mirror of the random rapper dude’s car that does the same motion over and over?! It took away all the fun, fun, fun (ha…oh man) of the video. That damned glow. I will now rant…prepare.


So she walks out of her house, right? Then she goes to the bus stop. Still following me? THEN HER FRIENDS PICK HER UP?! What the heck?! First of all, she might as well have stayed in front of her house, since it’s more of a specific pick-up point than a random bus stop. Secondly, THEY ARE ALL 13 YEAR-OLDS! How the heck is a 13 year-old going to be driving a car, much less a convertible? And they are driving recklessly without seat-belts and people sitting on the tops of the seats! Either they stole one of their parent’s cars, or they killed someone and stole his/her car to pick up Rebecca. Just look at that emo dude in the front…he looks guilty. Not making eye contact. Hair combed to the side. He’s hiding something. Either way, those damned 13 year-olds shouldn’t be driving.

Where did all of the guys go?!

Here is the most annoying part: if you look at the scene with the rapping wanna be black guy that must have been paid in soooooo much weed to be on the video (thank you, random YouTube commenter), he is driving somewhere random, yes? There is a shot of him through the rear-view mirror that is repeated a few times. Now, notice the little glint off the edge of the mirror. It goes up, and then turns right, apparently following the curvature. If you see each of the mirror scenes, IT DOES THE EXACT SAME THING! Not only that, but it does it at different speeds! …w-what?! I mean, it doesn’t work that way! Even if you factor in the fact that he might be passing “street lights” along his mystery route, it wouldn’t do it faster, then slower. It could happen, but from the looks of the background, he is moving at a constant speed. SO WHAT GIVES?! It’s almost as if 3 different guys tailored each of the shots and decided to put the same damned annoying glint in the middle of the screen!

Gah! Make it stop!

Other than those things, the video is great. It is truly an inspired piece of art, starring an incredibly talented artist. Rebecca Black is undoubtedly one of a kind. She might as well be the next Justin Bieber! I was very impressed when I saw it, so I showed my friends—they didn’t share the same thoughts I did. Saddening, really. They don’t know good music if it stared them in the face. Amongst all the parodies and spoofs, there is something amazing and beautiful in Rebeccas eloquent style and reiteration (with redundancies and outdated sayings) throughout the video. She wants to transfer to the viewer her feelings on such a special and wonderful day. And you know what? You have, Rebecca…you have. We thank you.


Disclaimer: I meant absolutely NOTHING that I said in that last paragraph (except the bit in parenthesis), and if you actually believed it for even a second, you should coat yourself in honey, run into the woods, and punch a grizzly right in the face so it can maul you to death without remorse. The video is trash and everyone involved in it should be ashamed. Even those red and green lights in the background during the end of the video had killed themselves as soon as the video went live. The bowl of cereal, which wasn’t even in the video, shot his whole family and then himself after hearing her repeat “Friday” and “fun, fun, fun,” but not until she finally said “we gonna have a ball today” did it actually consider (but eventually discard the idea of) killing his extended family and acquaintances. Don’t buy the song, don’t listen to it, don’t watch the music video more than once, because it just makes more trash like this come out of terrible, terrible people like the ones running The ARK Music Factory. By the way, December 21, 2012 is ON A FRIDAY! Thank you, that is all.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Japan Wins Again

What’s funnier than a tsunami and a 9.0 earthquake? Wait…that question needs to be rephrased. Actually, anything is funnier than both those things. Needless to say, after all the catastrophes, it’s good to know that Japan can still beat us on most things that involve…well, everything. But, do you know what we will never be able to beat them in? Game shows that show people with actual talent in things that aren’t terrible music doing something both hilarious and terrifying at the same time. When I say that, I mean they built Transformer costumes out of cardboard (I think) that can actually change between robot and car in less than a second. I don’t know how nerdy or geeky this is because I am too busy being surprised that anything like this could actually be possible, much less that someone was bored enough one day to come up with a design like this. Amazingly, though, they didn’t win the competition! What the hell, Japan?! Props go out to my squinty-eyed friends for the effort, though.


Via urlesque

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Please Secure All Carry-On and Personal Items


Have you ever heard that phrase in an airport before? I know I have. The thing is…how safe do you really think your stuff is inside your little suitcase? “Oh, but Rafa, you silly goose,” you say with a lisp, “I lock my checked baggage as well as carry-on luggage that I won’t be using with one of these adorable mini locks that have this cute key with one bump on them to open them! Everything is so totally safe! HahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!” Well, if you think that I am going to go on a tirade about how there are many copies of your key out there in the world because they have one freaking bump on them, then you are wrong. What I am actually going to say is that suitcases are incredibly easy to open even if you don’t have that dumb key and they are locked. Just use a pen or any object that you might use to otherwise stab obnoxious people at the security checkpoint. Observe the video below and realize how naïve about safety you have been your whole life.


Via LifeHacker

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Yeah, Crime Solving Doesn't Work That Way

Have you ever been watching any of the TV crime dramas and fallen madly in love with either Horatio’s amazing crime solving abilities, Detective Benson’s ass-kicking persona, or Abby’s eccentric forensic ways? Well, that’s not what I'm going to talk about. Or at least, the 1st two aren’t what I'm going to talk about. Ok the middle one isn’t what I'm going to be talking about (because L&O is awesome and anyone that disagrees can just leave…right now). In both CSI and NCIS (scramble the letters a little bit and they are the same show), they show different versions of photo enhancement technologies. You watch it and it makes your eyes water with tears of technological appreciation. Too bad all of that stuff is not even real. Why do you think most photos that are shown from security cameras look like they have been pulled from a camcorder circa 1973? They are pixilated beyond belief and the photos are so unrecognizable that you can't tell if the picture is of a black person or a different black person. If you honestly believed that half that stuff was possible, here is a video making fun of the whole process, for your viewing pleasure:


Via Gizmodo

Monday, March 14, 2011

All I Want is Some Pi

What would happen if you were either hungry or a nerd and decided to assign musical notes to each of the numbers in the first 31 digits of Pi? That’s what this guy did. Out of sheer boredom, awesomeness ensued. He used each of the digits as a numerical value representation of notes on a typical sheet of music and decided to play half of the instruments known to man to the tune. By slightly displacing the notes on each, he created something that sounds absolutely amazing. Who would have guessed that math could be this fantastic? So, I'm off to play guitar to the golden ratio while you all check out the video below. Happy Pi Day!


Via Gizmodo

Saturday, March 12, 2011

It's a Trap!


Have you ever been shopping at IKEA and rounded a corner, only to be confronted by a huge, man-and-woman-eating Minotaur? This is probably because the stores are designed to be like a huge maze that people can’t get out of unless they travel through it all. You literally have to walk through the every inch of the store to get out. Studies have shown that people spend an average of 2-3 hours ambling around the store, bewildered by the amazing array of furniture and mythical, shifting walls. Some have even been inside for 8 hours! I’m hoping that to survive, they didn’t have to consume one of their own in the kitchen section. I have personally never been in one, but if I ever did enter, by the time I reached the office section, I would be trying to grab someone from my party to sacrifice them to the IKEA gods for a swift exit from the premises. Be careful next time you are in there because the people lounging around in the bedroom section might actually have died of starvation a week or so ago. Click the picture below to enlarge and follow a person’s journey through IKEA and all that was bought.


Via DailyMail

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Rafa says WHAT? International Women's Day


Wanna hear a joke? HA! Just kidding. You all thought I was going there didn’t you? You all thought it was going to be a blog one liner where all I would write was “A Joke” or something of that nature and it would be funny. The thing is that today, I will be taking women’s side. You read right! I will be writing against imbeciles that have one too many inches of empty space between their ears. Betcha didn’t see that one coming. The reasoning behind why I am doing this is simple: I was exposed to this subject (women in general and rights and whatnot) by a person that I hold very dear. I wish to pay tribute to all she has taught me here with this post. Also, I am a firm believer that people need to learn to laugh at themselves. In this case, I am a man writing against men. If any man is reading this and he hates it, then in my regard he is an idiot and falls under my Stupidity Hypothesis. So, with that said, I will now outline what I will talk about—bras, the workplace, and what happens in dark alleys. Enjoy.

It all started when one woman decided that she was going to cut up her bra, burn it, and flail it in the air (just kidding...that never actually happened). Well, it started way before that, but men have a way of reducing the importance of females to the point where you should give kudos to their performance. Ever since the dawn of time, males have always been perceived as the ones that rule. It’s the MAN’S house. The FATHER brings home the money. Also, in the olden days of cavemen, MEN would go clubbing (HA! Get it? That was a good one…) when they wanted a mate. In reality, all of this is superficial bull. It is a dogmatic way to control members of our own species. It has also been going on for ages and ages.

Not everywhere were they brought down, though. In ancient Sparta, for example, if you crossed a woman the wrong way, she would rip your family jewels off while reading you some fine philosophy. You know why? Because she could do that…and because they knew how to read, were economically and socially empowered, and could pump more iron than all the men working out in today’s gyms combined. They were truly strong women. I know that I wouldn’t want to cross them. They were trained to defend their property (yes, they could own property) and, if their men were off at war for too long and they got bored, they could get themselves a new man if they so wished. Talk about the good life, huh? Makes you sad that Rome and Christianity came a bit later and ruined all of this for…wow…millennia, I suppose.

Even though there have been ups and downs with women in the workplace, it is still quite the issue. Not only is money an issue, but sexual harassment as well. I know that if I was a woman and got sexually harassed at the workplace, I would sucker punch that ass before he could do any more damage. It’s ridiculous the things that women put up with from us. If you want to know a trade secret, women, here it is. The reason sexual harassment happens (apart from the fact that your boss/colleague is socially inept and bigoted idiot who only exercises control over others such as yourself to quell his feelings of inadequacy so he doesn’t have to cry himself to sleep every night in a pit of shame) is because men find powerful women attractive. It’s kind of a fetish. She dresses authoritative, so she is authoritative. Sexy. Why do you think that one of the most popular fetishes is the “schoolteacher”? I’ll give you a hint: it isn’t because we want to learn. Men, in that scenario, are perfectly happy feeling weak and controlled by their woman. Come on, try it sometime.

Money, though, that is another issue. It still shocks me that women get paid around 17% less than men. Because I understand that the main readerate of this blog is male, I will elaborate. If I get paid $10 an hour, a woman in my same position probably gets paid around $8.30. That’s only about a dollar over minimum wage (in Colorado)! Also, if she complains at all about it, she is more likely to be fired than her male counterpart. Talk about a Catch-22—you get a job, but to keep it, you need to learn your “place” and have less money than your male colleagues. So…either you get a job and are treated inferiorly, or you don’t have a job and stand for all your values and beliefs. Something isn’t right here.

Oh, and what happens if you get preggers? You are also more likely to lose your job. You are doing the hard part of forwarding the species and, by procreating, allowing your genes to be carried on into the next generation, hopefully on an awesome evolutionary journey to something better…but you get fired. That’s like people nowadays getting pissed at their phones when it drops a call. Like Louis C.K. said: “It’s going to space! Could you give it a second while it comes back from SPACE?!” Until men are able to pop a baby out of their ball sack (biologically correct, if you think about it), they should let women do what they are good at without being afraid. By the way, I'm sure that most men don’t know this, but maternity leave is also available for men. Paid and everything. Do men take it? Nope, they don’t. I guess it’s because saying you are on maternity leave isn’t very “cool sounding”. In all honesty, though, getting paid to raise my kid seems pretty awesome to me.

When a woman leaves work, she has other things to worry about as well—namely, dark alleys. I am, of course, referring to rape. It is a touchy subject for some, but it must be mentioned. If a man is lacking so much in the sex department that he needs to go out and attack women so his penis doesn’t pop, either he needs to be in jail, or he needs to find a hobby that involves private browsing on the internet and a credit card. These people are some of the lowest of the low. Even in jail they are looked upon with scorn. Take advantage of a woman, shame on you. Get taken advantage of in jail, laughs for me. The thing is that once a woman is raped, she is scarred for life. How do you get over that? How do you learn to trust again? It’s one thing to take away a woman’s innocence, but another entirely to take away a safe life.

Furthermore, one of the things said most frequently (which I'm sure you’ve all heard of) is “look at what she was wearing! She was asking for it!” If that has ever crossed any of my dear reader’s minds, I will politely say that you can leave the blog now and never come back, you poor excuse for a human being. Girls like to dress up because it’s fun, they want to look pretty, and they want to enjoy themselves. Girls don’t dress up thinking, “You know what, I really wanna get raped today. This is my rape outfit.” No. Incorrect. Stupid. Even if a girl did get dressed to “get some” that night, “getting some” isn’t the same as getting raped. The first is a consensual sexual encounter for the pleasure of two people between whom there is presumably some sort of chemistry. The latter is a forced, non-consensual, and often brutal sexual encounter for the pleasure of one party. See the difference? In a perfect world, there would be no violence against women. Because we live in this world, though, there is. My solution? Have women learn how to protect themselves (so they can try and prevent it just in case), educate people so that they realize that being an ass is a bad thing, and if there are still rapists out there, find them and rape them ourselves. Raping the rapists sounds like a great plan…preferably with something that has splinters. Either that or by a big inmate named Bubba. Either, or.

I hope that this blog has enlightened some of you guys on what some issues with women are. Know that I only just scratched the surface because, if I had written extensively on it, this blog would have reached essay proportions. My goal is to not have idiots running around in this world. If I can change the mind of one daft man via this blog, I have done my job. So, today, in celebration of International Women’s Day, share this blog along with many of the hyperlinks on it (which contain really good information about different topics) to people. Spread the word, and spread the knowledge. The more people that read this, the more likely it is that I will reach my goal of one idiot being wiped off the face of the earth.


Oh, and turn to your mother and thank her for once…she pushed you out of a tiny hole in her and asked little in return (and she's probably gotten little back willingly anyway). Apart from that, turn to a woman that is close to you, and look at her…try to understand. It is an ongoing struggle and one that won’t be solved overnight. All it takes is one person to inform you. I know that I wouldn’t be saying half the things I am if I wouldn’t have had that special person tell me all she knew. She's an activist, and I admire her so much for it. Don’t think this doesn’t mean you can’t crack jokes about women. As long as you know the truth and can work for a better tomorrow, though, it’s ok to make fun of the other sex. But, for Pete’s sake, learn to make fun of yourselves (that means YOU, men) every once in a while too. In the mean time, on behalf of all men out there, whether they like it or not, I will now say thank you to all the women out there for being awesome and for being, well, women. Happy International Women’s Day.