Monday, March 21, 2011

Black Friday

Unless you live under a rock, you must have heard about a fantastic new song and artist that just came out of The ARK Music Factory. The song is called “Friday,” and the artist is called Rebecca Black. Many people are denouncing it as either fake or bad or stupid. Others (her parents) are heralding her as the next Justin Bieber. I mean, if you paid $2,000 for a production company to write a song and slap your daughter on a music video, the money better have been used for something good, damn it! Now, the song has surpassed some of Lady GaGa’s songs on YouTube in views, and it has turned into an internet meme faster than you can say, “Holy crap, she is actually 13 so I shouldn’t be aroused by this.” Not that I was…um…moving on.

The fact of the matter is that I have to get something out. The video is absolutely terrible for 2 reasons. How the hell are 13 year-olds driving a car, exactly? And what where the VFX guys smoking when they decided to add a flare to the rear-view mirror of the random rapper dude’s car that does the same motion over and over?! It took away all the fun, fun, fun (ha…oh man) of the video. That damned glow. I will now rant…prepare.

So she walks out of her house, right? Then she goes to the bus stop. Still following me? THEN HER FRIENDS PICK HER UP?! What the heck?! First of all, she might as well have stayed in front of her house, since it’s more of a specific pick-up point than a random bus stop. Secondly, THEY ARE ALL 13 YEAR-OLDS! How the heck is a 13 year-old going to be driving a car, much less a convertible? And they are driving recklessly without seat-belts and people sitting on the tops of the seats! Either they stole one of their parent’s cars, or they killed someone and stole his/her car to pick up Rebecca. Just look at that emo dude in the front…he looks guilty. Not making eye contact. Hair combed to the side. He’s hiding something. Either way, those damned 13 year-olds shouldn’t be driving.

Where did all of the guys go?!

Here is the most annoying part: if you look at the scene with the rapping wanna be black guy that must have been paid in soooooo much weed to be on the video (thank you, random YouTube commenter), he is driving somewhere random, yes? There is a shot of him through the rear-view mirror that is repeated a few times. Now, notice the little glint off the edge of the mirror. It goes up, and then turns right, apparently following the curvature. If you see each of the mirror scenes, IT DOES THE EXACT SAME THING! Not only that, but it does it at different speeds! …w-what?! I mean, it doesn’t work that way! Even if you factor in the fact that he might be passing “street lights” along his mystery route, it wouldn’t do it faster, then slower. It could happen, but from the looks of the background, he is moving at a constant speed. SO WHAT GIVES?! It’s almost as if 3 different guys tailored each of the shots and decided to put the same damned annoying glint in the middle of the screen!

Gah! Make it stop!

Other than those things, the video is great. It is truly an inspired piece of art, starring an incredibly talented artist. Rebecca Black is undoubtedly one of a kind. She might as well be the next Justin Bieber! I was very impressed when I saw it, so I showed my friends—they didn’t share the same thoughts I did. Saddening, really. They don’t know good music if it stared them in the face. Amongst all the parodies and spoofs, there is something amazing and beautiful in Rebeccas eloquent style and reiteration (with redundancies and outdated sayings) throughout the video. She wants to transfer to the viewer her feelings on such a special and wonderful day. And you know what? You have, Rebecca…you have. We thank you.

Disclaimer: I meant absolutely NOTHING that I said in that last paragraph (except the bit in parenthesis), and if you actually believed it for even a second, you should coat yourself in honey, run into the woods, and punch a grizzly right in the face so it can maul you to death without remorse. The video is trash and everyone involved in it should be ashamed. Even those red and green lights in the background during the end of the video had killed themselves as soon as the video went live. The bowl of cereal, which wasn’t even in the video, shot his whole family and then himself after hearing her repeat “Friday” and “fun, fun, fun,” but not until she finally said “we gonna have a ball today” did it actually consider (but eventually discard the idea of) killing his extended family and acquaintances. Don’t buy the song, don’t listen to it, don’t watch the music video more than once, because it just makes more trash like this come out of terrible, terrible people like the ones running The ARK Music Factory. By the way, December 21, 2012 is ON A FRIDAY! Thank you, that is all.

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