Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Rafa says WHAT? International Women's Day
Wanna hear a joke? HA! Just kidding. You all thought I was going there didn’t you? You all thought it was going to be a blog one liner where all I would write was “A Joke” or something of that nature and it would be funny. The thing is that today, I will be taking women’s side. You read right! I will be writing against imbeciles that have one too many inches of empty space between their ears. Betcha didn’t see that one coming. The reasoning behind why I am doing this is simple: I was exposed to this subject (women in general and rights and whatnot) by a person that I hold very dear. I wish to pay tribute to all she has taught me here with this post. Also, I am a firm believer that people need to learn to laugh at themselves. In this case, I am a man writing against men. If any man is reading this and he hates it, then in my regard he is an idiot and falls under my Stupidity Hypothesis. So, with that said, I will now outline what I will talk about—bras, the workplace, and what happens in dark alleys. Enjoy.
It all started when one woman decided that she was going to cut up her bra, burn it, and flail it in the air (just kidding...that never actually happened). Well, it started way before that, but men have a way of reducing the importance of females to the point where you should give kudos to their performance. Ever since the dawn of time, males have always been perceived as the ones that rule. It’s the MAN’S house. The FATHER brings home the money. Also, in the olden days of cavemen, MEN would go clubbing (HA! Get it? That was a good one…) when they wanted a mate. In reality, all of this is superficial bull. It is a dogmatic way to control members of our own species. It has also been going on for ages and ages.
Not everywhere were they brought down, though. In ancient Sparta, for example, if you crossed a woman the wrong way, she would rip your family jewels off while reading you some fine philosophy. You know why? Because she could do that…and because they knew how to read, were economically and socially empowered, and could pump more iron than all the men working out in today’s gyms combined. They were truly strong women. I know that I wouldn’t want to cross them. They were trained to defend their property (yes, they could own property) and, if their men were off at war for too long and they got bored, they could get themselves a new man if they so wished. Talk about the good life, huh? Makes you sad that Rome and Christianity came a bit later and ruined all of this for…wow…millennia, I suppose.
Even though there have been ups and downs with women in the workplace, it is still quite the issue. Not only is money an issue, but sexual harassment as well. I know that if I was a woman and got sexually harassed at the workplace, I would sucker punch that ass before he could do any more damage. It’s ridiculous the things that women put up with from us. If you want to know a trade secret, women, here it is. The reason sexual harassment happens (apart from the fact that your boss/colleague is socially inept and bigoted idiot who only exercises control over others such as yourself to quell his feelings of inadequacy so he doesn’t have to cry himself to sleep every night in a pit of shame) is because men find powerful women attractive. It’s kind of a fetish. She dresses authoritative, so she is authoritative. Sexy. Why do you think that one of the most popular fetishes is the “schoolteacher”? I’ll give you a hint: it isn’t because we want to learn. Men, in that scenario, are perfectly happy feeling weak and controlled by their woman. Come on, try it sometime.
Money, though, that is another issue. It still shocks me that women get paid around 17% less than men. Because I understand that the main readerate of this blog is male, I will elaborate. If I get paid $10 an hour, a woman in my same position probably gets paid around $8.30. That’s only about a dollar over minimum wage (in Colorado)! Also, if she complains at all about it, she is more likely to be fired than her male counterpart. Talk about a Catch-22—you get a job, but to keep it, you need to learn your “place” and have less money than your male colleagues. So…either you get a job and are treated inferiorly, or you don’t have a job and stand for all your values and beliefs. Something isn’t right here.
Oh, and what happens if you get preggers? You are also more likely to lose your job. You are doing the hard part of forwarding the species and, by procreating, allowing your genes to be carried on into the next generation, hopefully on an awesome evolutionary journey to something better…but you get fired. That’s like people nowadays getting pissed at their phones when it drops a call. Like Louis C.K. said: “It’s going to space! Could you give it a second while it comes back from SPACE?!” Until men are able to pop a baby out of their ball sack (biologically correct, if you think about it), they should let women do what they are good at without being afraid. By the way, I'm sure that most men don’t know this, but maternity leave is also available for men. Paid and everything. Do men take it? Nope, they don’t. I guess it’s because saying you are on maternity leave isn’t very “cool sounding”. In all honesty, though, getting paid to raise my kid seems pretty awesome to me.
When a woman leaves work, she has other things to worry about as well—namely, dark alleys. I am, of course, referring to rape. It is a touchy subject for some, but it must be mentioned. If a man is lacking so much in the sex department that he needs to go out and attack women so his penis doesn’t pop, either he needs to be in jail, or he needs to find a hobby that involves private browsing on the internet and a credit card. These people are some of the lowest of the low. Even in jail they are looked upon with scorn. Take advantage of a woman, shame on you. Get taken advantage of in jail, laughs for me. The thing is that once a woman is raped, she is scarred for life. How do you get over that? How do you learn to trust again? It’s one thing to take away a woman’s innocence, but another entirely to take away a safe life.
Furthermore, one of the things said most frequently (which I'm sure you’ve all heard of) is “look at what she was wearing! She was asking for it!” If that has ever crossed any of my dear reader’s minds, I will politely say that you can leave the blog now and never come back, you poor excuse for a human being. Girls like to dress up because it’s fun, they want to look pretty, and they want to enjoy themselves. Girls don’t dress up thinking, “You know what, I really wanna get raped today. This is my rape outfit.” No. Incorrect. Stupid. Even if a girl did get dressed to “get some” that night, “getting some” isn’t the same as getting raped. The first is a consensual sexual encounter for the pleasure of two people between whom there is presumably some sort of chemistry. The latter is a forced, non-consensual, and often brutal sexual encounter for the pleasure of one party. See the difference? In a perfect world, there would be no violence against women. Because we live in this world, though, there is. My solution? Have women learn how to protect themselves (so they can try and prevent it just in case), educate people so that they realize that being an ass is a bad thing, and if there are still rapists out there, find them and rape them ourselves. Raping the rapists sounds like a great plan…preferably with something that has splinters. Either that or by a big inmate named Bubba. Either, or.
I hope that this blog has enlightened some of you guys on what some issues with women are. Know that I only just scratched the surface because, if I had written extensively on it, this blog would have reached essay proportions. My goal is to not have idiots running around in this world. If I can change the mind of one daft man via this blog, I have done my job. So, today, in celebration of International Women’s Day, share this blog along with many of the hyperlinks on it (which contain really good information about different topics) to people. Spread the word, and spread the knowledge. The more people that read this, the more likely it is that I will reach my goal of one idiot being wiped off the face of the earth.
Oh, and turn to your mother and thank her for once…she pushed you out of a tiny hole in her and asked little in return (and she's probably gotten little back willingly anyway). Apart from that, turn to a woman that is close to you, and look at her…try to understand. It is an ongoing struggle and one that won’t be solved overnight. All it takes is one person to inform you. I know that I wouldn’t be saying half the things I am if I wouldn’t have had that special person tell me all she knew. She's an activist, and I admire her so much for it. Don’t think this doesn’t mean you can’t crack jokes about women. As long as you know the truth and can work for a better tomorrow, though, it’s ok to make fun of the other sex. But, for Pete’s sake, learn to make fun of yourselves (that means YOU, men) every once in a while too. In the mean time, on behalf of all men out there, whether they like it or not, I will now say thank you to all the women out there for being awesome and for being, well, women. Happy International Women’s Day.